I don't feel the past few weeks have been that great, I guess things are just hitting all at once and I'm not 100% emotionally stable right now. We found out a couple weeks ago that our baby sitter of the past year and half is having to move. The baby sitter that treats Annabelle as one of her own. Annabelle adores her, her husband and her boys. They have been so good to her. We have started looking for sitters in Lexington since we dont' really want her to go to a daycare. She has been so healthy and we hope that continues wherever she goes. I feel horrible for this because during this time we got to see our second baby at the ultrasound. I just don't feel that I can enjoy the new baby until we get the things settled with Annabelle and the sitter. I am very thankful that I have not been anywhere as close to as sick as I was with Annabelle. I have been more emotional this time around and I think thats one part of why I'm having such a rough time with this. Of course I don't want to have to deal with this type of change and I worry that I will get someone who treats my child nearly as good as Jennifer did. She was treated as one of their own at her house, she never cried for me when I would leave her and a time or two she would cry because she didn't want to leave and go home!
I think the best thing and in a perfect world would happen is that I stayed home to care for my own children. It is bad that we live in a world that I can't do that, we don't even have that many bills and still it would be very tight if thats the decision we came too. Our bills are mostly just normal every day bills that everyone has. We don't have credit card debt, big expensive car payments or anything like that. I deeply deeply deeply regret going back to school to work on my master's. Even if I had finished it before Annabelle it would not have been worth it. That little extra student loan payment and its still less than most people have keeps me from being able to do what I want. We have been smart with our money and made pretty good decisions and still it doesn't seem to be enough. My job is a dead end job and my income keeps going down thanks to furloughs and lack of raises. Everyone says I should appreciate the fact that I even have a job and that is true but doesn't really make me feel better when all my income goes to pay someone else to take care of my child.
Everyone says things will work out and they are probably right, it just doesn't seem so at this moment. Things don't seem to work out, this has been a bad year for me and I wish there were a lot of things that had happened different. I am thankful that I do have a husband who I love and that loves me and a child that is the greatest in the world. Life just hasn't been fair to my family this year.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
22 Months!
To my beautiful girl on your 22nd month of life!
This past month we have had some big news for you. You are going to be a big sister! You were very excited and told my belly that it was a "good girl." You also kicked it on accident and said "sorry baby!" You are just too sweet, half the time you get in trouble momma can't punish you because you are just so cute. You have such great ways about you, your personality is so BIG! We just laugh and laugh at you and your funny quirks! You keep mommy and daddy entertained whether it be with the conversations we have or just your complete silliness. We love you so much and are so happy you are ours. You have kind of stalled in your potty training, its now hit or miss where last month it was always hit. You language hasn't stalled though, you are complete sentences with my favorite being "I love you too mommy." You and your daddy are pretty much inseperable and he treats you like your the only person in the world. You make requests now like going to mothers house so that you can see the horses. You love horses and cows and cats and dogs. There are so very few things in this world that you do not love. You eat anything and everything you can including mommy's orange juice and her breakfast. For some reason mommy's tastes better than yours does. In the next months there are going to be some big changes for you and for that I am very sorry. We are having to get a new baby sitter for you because Jenn Jenn is moving. I know that you are very adaptable and will probably have an easy time with it but just know that mommy is struggling a little. You are just so happy all the time now and Jenn Jenn is part of the reason for that. Everyone loves you so much.
On a different note, over the past week or so you have completely stopped listening to mommy or daddy. I guess the terrible twos have hit us early. We even tell you we will whip your buns and you don't mind. I guess you know its an empty threat and time out doesn't work because you enjoy putting yourself in the naughty corner. You are one silly goose! You are improving at dance class and paying more and more attention. That is when you are not off to the side starting a riot with the cones. I do believe you are going to be a leader when you are older. You have a mind of your own and other children seem to like to do whatever it is you are doing. You make our lives so interesting and fun. I don't know what we did with all our time before you came along. We love you! :)
--MOMMA!
This past month we have had some big news for you. You are going to be a big sister! You were very excited and told my belly that it was a "good girl." You also kicked it on accident and said "sorry baby!" You are just too sweet, half the time you get in trouble momma can't punish you because you are just so cute. You have such great ways about you, your personality is so BIG! We just laugh and laugh at you and your funny quirks! You keep mommy and daddy entertained whether it be with the conversations we have or just your complete silliness. We love you so much and are so happy you are ours. You have kind of stalled in your potty training, its now hit or miss where last month it was always hit. You language hasn't stalled though, you are complete sentences with my favorite being "I love you too mommy." You and your daddy are pretty much inseperable and he treats you like your the only person in the world. You make requests now like going to mothers house so that you can see the horses. You love horses and cows and cats and dogs. There are so very few things in this world that you do not love. You eat anything and everything you can including mommy's orange juice and her breakfast. For some reason mommy's tastes better than yours does. In the next months there are going to be some big changes for you and for that I am very sorry. We are having to get a new baby sitter for you because Jenn Jenn is moving. I know that you are very adaptable and will probably have an easy time with it but just know that mommy is struggling a little. You are just so happy all the time now and Jenn Jenn is part of the reason for that. Everyone loves you so much.
On a different note, over the past week or so you have completely stopped listening to mommy or daddy. I guess the terrible twos have hit us early. We even tell you we will whip your buns and you don't mind. I guess you know its an empty threat and time out doesn't work because you enjoy putting yourself in the naughty corner. You are one silly goose! You are improving at dance class and paying more and more attention. That is when you are not off to the side starting a riot with the cones. I do believe you are going to be a leader when you are older. You have a mind of your own and other children seem to like to do whatever it is you are doing. You make our lives so interesting and fun. I don't know what we did with all our time before you came along. We love you! :)
--MOMMA!
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