The Guilt is Back

I have been feeling extremely guilty about being a working mother. After spending an entire week with her I just felt so bad on Sunday about having to go back to work. I know that she LOVES the baby sitters house and that she has a wonderful time there. I just want to be able to take her to do fun things in the summer and hang out with her and just be the one to take care of her. It is wonderful that she is getting to socialize with other children at the sitters but I may have a plan that will allow me to stay home. I have been thinking a lot about this over the past few days and I think it is what gave me a migraine yesterday. I just keep beating myself up for going back after my masters degree. At the time it was what I really wanted and I did very well in graduate school. Having my baby has changed my priorities but if I had not went back I wouldn't have student loan debt and I would be able to stay home with my baby and live comfortably on Jason's salary. I ran my plan by Jason this morning and he is thinking it over. He didn't really have a comment about it this morning. I forget that he too gets sad about leaving her everyday. Being a stay at home mom would be great I think but on the other hand I am a little terrified about it. If given the chance would I really do it? I think about what would happen if Jason wasn't able to work or something happened to him. I wouldn't have any retirement or any social security. The way things are going now in this economy I may not have either of these things if I keep working either though. There are just a lot of things to think about. We are also still contemplating moving closer to our families. That is scary too, Jason has had his job for years now he is good at it and makes good money. Who is to say if he finds another job he likes it or that the salary will be comparable. AGH! I am fortunate to have a husband who loves me and have such an absolute great and wonderful child. I am also fortunate that we have two incomes and I do not want to seem ungrateful.